Sunday, September 15, 2013

Why Love After 50 is Important to Black Men by Tony King


Black men and Black women appear to be the most unattached group in America. According to the 2010 U.S. Census, 41% of African American men have never been married while 43% of African American women have never walked down the aisle or to the judge's chambers for a marriage license.

For younger adults, this has its own set of ramifications, but what about adults pass age 50? Although going solo may have seemed great in your 20s, 30s and 40s - although that's debatable since most people that entered and maintained healthy marriages at those stages of their lives are now typically healthier and wealthier than  those who are post-50 and never married. Nonetheless, is staying single the best lifestyle for you when you are in your 50s and beyond?                                                                                                                                              

From my Black male perspective (and from the men I know) it definitely is not! We (Black men) want to be romantically connected with a compatible woman at this stage of our lives because it makes life more enjoyable and rewarding. And, yes, it is about sexual intimacy, but it's also about so much more. It's also about companionship, friendship, and sharing life's journey. And, to share that journey with someone who has experienced life herself.

Although the Hollywood myth-makers would have you believe that most men in their 50s would want 20 or 30-somethings, that's not necessarily true outside the world of the Donald Trumps and other Millionaire-types that like to dangle their young trophy wives for display at the country club. And don't get me wrong, we see our 50-something wives, lady friends, or life partners as trophies too. But, we also want and need them as confidantes and best friends that bring a perspective to life that one can only get by living 50 years or more. Truth is, most mature men prefer to date and marry someone close to their age.                                                    

Besides, many black women in their fifties are keeping themselves fit and sexy as they age. Just check out fitness guru, Donna Richardson, who's hot and fabulous at 56 and or broadcast journalist Gayle King who's 58 and still turning heads. Women that are 50 and beyond today look younger and tend to be more fit than the 50-somethings of yester-year. So it's a whole new ballgame for relationships.
 
In closing, here are some questions to think about:
 
As Black men and Black women age is finding and maintaining healthy, romantic love important regardless of whether it leads to marriage?

If it is, what are we doing to make it happen?                                                                                                                                  

Tony King is an Information Technology Professional.  He resides in metro Dallas, Texas.

45 comments:

  1. I try to understand old/ancient African wisdom for making family, because misogyny and monogamy make strange bedfellows. Why do Black people try to uphold European marriage customs and goals when Europeans only recently respected Black marriages? At first contact, Europeans admired African fecundity without appreciating African polygynous family networks. Now assimilated African-Americans have joined monogamous European communities around the world at zero population growth since 2007. What does human survival mean if she makes one egg every 28 days for thirty-five years and he produces a quarter of a billion failing sperm per ejaculation? What family structure serves our survival best under these circumstances, monogamy or polygyny? If we eliminate monogamy's requisite female conflict from our communities then we start healing from our familiar post traumatic slave disorders (PTSD) and cognitive dissonance to smile at our confusion.

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  2. very good I must say........I like the way he broke it down to quarters. This is sage advice. He should have also added that as you move into the next "quarter.....you need to shorten your deal-breaker list without abandoning your "standards The problem is.....MOST women will reject this info simply because it cam from a MAN. The sisterhood routinely rejects the opinions of men in deference to the "warm and fuzzy" recycled info that that get from their sisters. This is why Steve Harvey has found so much success........he has opened on the eyes of thousands of women now who are willing to here a man's POV on these issues.

    Quite frankly this works both ways which clearly means we need more empathy, true friendships and honesty BETWEEN the sexes before jumping BETWEEN THE SHEETS.

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