Respecting The Man by LaFayette Trawick

Men want love and affection. But what is more paramount - Men want RESPECT.

Men are hawk-eyed when it comes to noting if a woman's behavior shows him high regard or subtle contempt. Here are the some of the signs of hidden weapons of mass destruction that men look for. And here are the ways women can be a King-MAKER and not a King-KILLER. 

King-KILLER - Imply he is not intelligent

King-MAKER - Instead ask for his opinion and give him your confidence 

King-KILLER - Imply that you are superior to him at a moral or spiritual level 

King-MAKER - Instead, compliment his wisdom and tell him the things you love about him

King-KILLER - Boss him around 

King-MAKER - Instead ask for his opinion and give him your confidence 

King-KILLER - Make fun of him, put him down (especially in public) 

King-MAKER - Instead smile, laugh, make eye contact, get in a good mood and create harmony for a winning partnership 

Black women in the Millennial and soon-to-follow 'Alpha' generation are being taught not to embrace the traditional marriage paradigm. More and more women are being coached on how to survive WITHOUT a man. There are also fewer and fewer black female role models out here teaching our young women the ethereal wisdom of how exactly how to love and respect the Black man and help to (re)-build the community. As a result, the future and definition of the black family as we've come to know it is in a full state of arrest. 

LaFayette Trawick is a blogger, freelance writer, and CEO/Founder of Claiming Ignorance; a co-ed Mentoring and Family Advocacy consortium 

WHAT IF SHE EARNS MORE MONEY THAN HER MAN? + DISRESPECTING THE BLACK MAN (aka Hiroshima) Part I by Lafayette Trawick

Premise: There is no question that in today's 21st century, more and more women are dominating the work force and proud of it. Manly qualities such as protecting and leading give men ownership of the pants in their relationships - in my opinion. It's not necessarily all about who makes more money when it comes to who leads the household. What does "wearing the pants" really mean and does the majority income provider wear them?(iDateDaily.com) My 2 CENTS ONLY on this is that THIS is a dangerous FANTASY. It represents a "virtuous trap" for men. Because at the opportune moment, a high earning woman will play the $$$$ CARD. In most cases this will have a catastrophic, ISIS-type effect on the man in question. You will shake him to his core. FIRST because he thought you would NEVER cross that line. SECOND because you've now just handed him his azz. How can he recover from that? * "It's my house." * "It's my car." * "My credit cards." * "I said don't touch the bank account." * "I pay the bills up in here....not YOU." Then he is seen as neither a PROVIDER OR PROTECTOR. He can clock out now.....he is DONE! A woman controls a man's destiny in her SILENCE until she decides to break it...then he is @#$%%^&. When she does break her silence, a woman's words are equal to a man's fist! ***MEMO-TO-A-BROTHA - secretly she don't respect you anymore anyway, and PRIVATELY probably hasn't for quite some time!!! On the other hand, a woman who makes less than her man is STILL IS THE WOMAN OF THE HOUSE with all the rights, privileges, respect, ownership and honor. She cannot be "besmirched" by an arrogant high earning man because if she takes him to court the judge will ALWAYS regulate her lifestyle expectation financially and give what is DUE her. The laws are designed to RIGHT THE WRONG done to her. This does not happen in reverse (at least not NEARLY as often it should anyway). She maintains her dignity despite any attempt he makes to tear down his baby-momma. See, the rules are different. This is why things are set up in the BEGINNING to take into consideration how things will go down in the POTENTIAL END! Messing with what I call the NATURAL ORDER is a slippery slope with near fatal consequences. Men who disagree with this are TEMPTING FATE.....LIVING ON BORROWED TIME. Most men with "sugar mommas" are broken, shook men at some point who are lucky if they live to tell the GAME OF THRONES type tale that they lived through - the day she pulled rank on him. Therefore, as a man, you need to get your ^%%# together, get your weight-up, handle your bizness, take care of bizzness, get your credit right, earn, provide, be generous, and respect your money and your woman. BOTH have the POWER to destroy you. MAN TALK 101!!!! However, with the increase of women in college and the workforce and heading up more businesses and households - I predict there is a storm coming. I am not saying it CAN'T be done in the name of LOVE (some high earning women would NEVER cross this line....or so I'm told???) - but you might wanna consider buying a Powerball ticket for slightly better odds :) Disrespect is anathema to 99% of most men. How do you show your man respect? That's the message for my next commentary. Look for it in the next issue. LaFayette Trawick is a blogger, freelance writer, and CEO/Founder of Claiming Ignorance; a co-ed Mentoring and Family Advocacy consortium

March for Money

Are you concerned about marriage, courtship, divorce, dating and living single? Of course you are because you read and responded to "Marriage is for White People." This newsletter features information of interest regarding male-female relationships.  March for Money  by Joy Jones  Finance can enhance romance. I'm sure that comes as no surprise to anyone. Money Management International's 2011 Love & Money Survey found that 89% of married couples whose household incomes were $50,000 or better reported that they were happily married. In contrast, among couples whose incomes were lower than that, only 79% reported being happy. And more telling, among unhappily married couples, money problems are what they identified as the cause of their troubles. So what's the answer? Manage your money.  And March is a good month for money. What makes March good for money? Everything - because every month  - every day - is good for money. So why don't you have more of it? I discuss the missing ingredient in my guest blog column on FreeBlackSpace a blog on cutting edge ideas in the community. Check it out at freeblackspace.blogspot.com. Check it out....   Building Family: A Moderated Conversation   Join Us!  Come to a compelling and provocative conversation on the influence and importance of a father's presence - or absence - in the family. Experts and advocates will be part of a panel discussion - Frank Love, host of Frank Relationships Radio Show, Tony Lewis, Jr., author of Slugg: A Boy's Life in the Age of Mass Incarceration and Brittany Adams, art therapist and family advocate. The conversation will be moderated by Brother Yao, Assistant Professor at Bowie State University and co-founder of Karibu Books. The program grows out of the work of Jonetta Rose Barras, author of Whatever Happened To Daddy's Little Girl?: The Impact of Fatherlessness on Black Women. Save the Date: Saturday, June 11, 2016, from 2:00 - 4:00 p.m. at the Francis Gregory Library, 3660 Alabama Ave. SE,Washington, DC 20020. It's FREE and is sponsored by Esther Productions. For details, contact Jonetta Rose Barras at jonetta@jonettarosebarras.com.  Find out more....  The Spoken Word is a non-profit organization dedicated to using the arts and culture to address issues in the community. Visit us at www.TheSpokenWord.org.

Telephone Sex

Telephones and sex. No, I'm not talking about saying naughty things to your boo or sending pictures of yourself in your underwear. Instead, it's been found that the type of telephone you use conveys what kind of sex life you're having. Did you realize that Apple iPhone users have more sex than other smartphone users? But single people who have Android phones have more orgasms - they climax 90% of the time. These findings are the result of Match.com's survey, Singles in America, conducted last November by ResearchNow. The study surveyed men and women all across the country from 18 to over 70 years old. Where do Blackberry users fit in the mix? They have more orgasms than iPhone users and just a bit less than Androids. A 2012 survey found that Apple customers go on more first dates than other smartphone customers. And singles with smartphones of any kind went out on more dates than folks with regular cell phones. Who would've thought a smartphone could be an aphrodisiac?

Unattached Sisters - If You'd Like to Find Love Post-50 Here are some tips from a man's perspective by Tony King

Make it a priority

Tell a few of your true friends that sharing your life with a man you are compatible with is important to you. Let them know it’s the lifestyle you’d prefer and that you enjoy a man’s company and friendship.

Please Stop Saying You Don’t Need a Man!

Human beings are natural pair bonders. It’s in our DNA. Saying you need a man to both compliment you and to complement your life is not a sign of weakness; it is actually a sign of strength and emotional wellness.

If you want a man’s friendship.

If you want a man’s companionship.

If you want to have sex with a man.

Then, you NEED a man!

And, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that.

Be Friendly and Smile

Wherever you are and whatever you are doing; be it standing at the checkout line in a grocery store or networking at a function for your job, make it a point to smile and speak to men. Don’t just greet your gal pals. And, don’t be afraid to extend your hand and introduce yourself. Many men would be relieved if you break the ice this way. And, believe me, if you get it started, the brothers will get it finished.

Get Out of Your Standard Routine

Still do and enjoy activities that you truly like but try a few new places. But, not with too many female friends in tow.  Men in their 50s looking for love don’t mind approaching 2 women sitting together chatting at an event but they probably don’t want to deal with a sorority of 4 or more in trying to get acquainted with someone new.  So, find yourself at the Black College Football Classic whether it’s your college or not; whether you went to college or not. Get out there and get noticed. And, bring you’re A-game.  Tasteful jeans and heels will get the right men noticing. I’ve seen lots of sisters in their 50s that are fine and will give the younger women a run for their money.

Remember that Time is of the Essence

If we look at the human life cycle as quarters in a football game, when you hit 50 you are solidly in the third quarter. 

0 – 19   1^st Quarter – (growing up, going through primary and high school)

20 – 39 2^nd Quarter – (college, career, marriage or family or both, finding out who you are)

40 – 59 3^rd Quarter – (solid life experiences, more confidence, knowing who you are)

60 – 80 4^th Quarter (the winding down phase, enjoying the fruits of your labor)

81 and beyond (Overtime – Bonus quarter – enjoying the blessing of a life well lived)

So, at 50, and in the 3^rd quarter of life, how do you want the remainder of your life to be?

If sharing your life with a compatible man would be a happier and more fulfilling lifestyle for you then you need to be proactive in making that happen!

Why Love After 50 is Important to Black Men by Tony King

Black men and Black women appear to be the most unattached group in America. According to the 2010 U.S. Census, 41% of African American men have never been married while 43% of African American women have never walked down the aisle or to the judge's chambers for a marriage license.

For younger adults, this has its own set of ramifications, but what about adults pass age 50? Although going solo may have seemed great in your 20s, 30s and 40s - although that's debatable since most people that entered and maintained healthy marriages at those stages of their lives are now typically healthier and wealthier than  those who are post-50 and never married. Nonetheless, is staying single the best lifestyle for you when you are in your 50s and beyond?                                                                                                                                              

From my Black male perspective (and from the men I know) it definitely is not! We (Black men) want to be romantically connected with a compatible woman at this stage of our lives because it makes life more enjoyable and rewarding. And, yes, it is about sexual intimacy, but it's also about so much more. It's also about companionship, friendship, and sharing life's journey. And, to share that journey with someone who has experienced life herself.

Although the Hollywood myth-makers would have you believe that most men in their 50s would want 20 or 30-somethings, that's not necessarily true outside the world of the Donald Trumps and other Millionaire-types that like to dangle their young trophy wives for display at the country club. And don't get me wrong, we see our 50-something wives, lady friends, or life partners as trophies too. But, we also want and need them as confidantes and best friends that bring a perspective to life that one can only get by living 50 years or more. Truth is, most mature men prefer to date and marry someone close to their age.                                                    

Besides, many black women in their fifties are keeping themselves fit and sexy as they age. Just check out fitness guru, Donna Richardson, who's hot and fabulous at 56 and or broadcast journalist Gayle King who's 58 and still turning heads. Women that are 50 and beyond today look younger and tend to be more fit than the 50-somethings of yester-year. So it's a whole new ballgame for relationships.
 
In closing, here are some questions to think about:
 
As Black men and Black women age is finding and maintaining healthy, romantic love important regardless of whether it leads to marriage?

If it is, what are we doing to make it happen?                                                                                                                                  

Tony King is an Information Technology Professional.  He resides in metro Dallas, Texas.

Is There A Father In The House?

When I tell  people that my  mother and father are married - to each other - and for the past 60 years - I get the following reactions: You're lucky, That's great, For real? I'm jealous. 

It appears that many adults wish they had spent their childhood with a dad in the house even as they find it nearly impossible to build the kinds of relationships that will allow their kids to experience childhood with a mother and father residing harmoniously together under one roof. 

Since June is the month when we think about fathers, I discuss the conditions in the community that I believe need to be present for fathers to best bestow their blessings. "Is A Father In the Home Like A Rotary Phone: Out-dated, Old-fashioned, Old-school?" appears in the new launch of the award-winning web site www.BlackAndMarriedWithKids.com.

Check it out.

Then tell me what you think.