Share With Joy

Friday, March 11, 2016

March for Money

Are you concerned about marriage, courtship, divorce, dating and living single? Of course you are because you read and responded to "Marriage is for White People." This newsletter features information of interest regarding male-female relationships.
 March for Money
 by Joy Jones 

Joy JonesFinance can enhance romance. I'm sure that comes as no surprise to anyone.

Money Management International's 2011 Love & Money Survey found that 89% of married couples whose household incomes were $50,000 or better reported that they were happily married. In contrast, among couples whose incomes were lower than that, only 79% reported being happy. And more telling, among unhappily married couples, money problems are what they identified as the cause of their troubles.

So what's the answer? Manage your money.  And March is a good month for money. What makes March good for money? Everything - because every month  - every day - is good for money. So why don't you have more of it? I discuss the missing ingredient in my guest blog column on FreeBlackSpace a blog on cutting edge ideas in the community. Check it out at

 Building Family: A Moderated Conversation 
 Join Us! 

Come to a compelling and provocative conversation on the influence and importance of a father's presence - or absence - in the family. Experts and advocates will be part of a panel discussion - Frank Love, host of Frank Relationships Radio Show, Tony Lewis, Jr., author of Slugg: A Boy's Life in the Age of Mass Incarceration and Brittany Adams, art therapist and family advocate. The conversation will be moderated by Brother Yao, Assistant Professor at Bowie State University and co-founder of Karibu Books.

The program grows out of the work of Jonetta Rose Barras, author of Whatever Happened To Daddy's Little Girl?: The Impact of Fatherlessness on Black Women.

Save the Date: Saturday, June 11, 2016, from 2:00 - 4:00 p.m. at the Francis Gregory Library, 3660 Alabama Ave. SE,Washington, DC 20020. It's FREE and is sponsored by Esther Productions.

For details, contact Jonetta Rose Barras at

The Spoken Word is a non-profit organization dedicated to using the arts and culture to address issues in the community. Visit us at

Wednesday, February 12, 2014

Telephone Sex

Telephones and sex. No, I'm not talking about saying naughty things to your boo or sending pictures of yourself in your underwear. Instead, it's been found that the type of telephone you use conveys what kind of sex life you're having.

Did you realize that Apple iPhone users have more sex than other smartphone users? But single people who have Android phones have more orgasms - they climax 90% of the time.

These findings are the result of's survey, Singles in America, conducted last November by ResearchNow. The study surveyed men and women all across the country from 18 to over 70 years old.

Where do Blackberry users fit in the mix? They have more orgasms than iPhone users and just a bit less than Androids. A 2012 survey found that Apple customers go on more first dates than other smartphone customers. And singles with smartphones of any kind went out on more dates than folks with regular cell phones.

Who would've thought a smartphone could be an aphrodisiac? 

Sunday, October 20, 2013

Unattached Sisters - If You'd Like to Find Love Post-50 Here are some tips from a man's perspective by Tony King

Make it a priority

Tell a few of your true friends that sharing your life with a man you are compatible with is important to you. Let them know it’s the lifestyle you’d prefer and that you enjoy a man’s company and friendship.

Please Stop Saying You Don’t Need a Man!

Human beings are natural pair bonders. It’s in our DNA. Saying you need a man to both compliment you and to complement your life is not a sign of weakness; it is actually a sign of strength and emotional wellness.

If you want a man’s friendship.
If you want a man’s companionship.
If you want to have sex with a man.

Then, you NEED a man!

And, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that.

Be Friendly and Smile

Wherever you are and whatever you are doing; be it standing at the checkout line in a grocery store or networking at a function for your job, make it a point to smile and speak to men. Don’t just greet your gal pals. And, don’t be afraid to extend your hand and introduce yourself. Many men would be relieved if you break the ice this way. And, believe me, if you get it started, the brothers will get it finished.

Get Out of Your Standard Routine

Still do and enjoy activities that you truly like but try a few new places. But, not with too many female friends in tow.  Men in their 50s looking for love don’t mind approaching 2 women sitting together chatting at an event but they probably don’t want to deal with a sorority of 4 or more in trying to get acquainted with someone new.  So, find yourself at the Black College Football Classic whether it’s your college or not; whether you went to college or not. Get out there and get noticed. And, bring you’re A-game.  Tasteful jeans and heels will get the right men noticing. I’ve seen lots of sisters in their 50s that are fine and will give the younger women a run for their money.

Remember that Time is of the Essence

If we look at the human life cycle as quarters in a football game, when you hit 50 you are solidly in the third quarter. 

0 – 19   1st Quarter – (growing up, going through primary and high school)
20 – 39 2nd Quarter – (college, career, marriage or family or both, finding out who you are)
40 – 59 3rd Quarter – (solid life experiences, more confidence, knowing who you are)
60 – 80 4th Quarter (the winding down phase, enjoying the fruits of your labor)
81 and beyond (Overtime – Bonus quarter – enjoying the blessing of a life well lived)

So, at 50, and in the 3rd quarter of life, how do you want the remainder of your life to be?

If sharing your life with a compatible man would be a happier and more fulfilling lifestyle for you then you need to be proactive in making that happen!

Sunday, September 15, 2013

Why Love After 50 is Important to Black Men by Tony King

Black men and Black women appear to be the most unattached group in America. According to the 2010 U.S. Census, 41% of African American men have never been married while 43% of African American women have never walked down the aisle or to the judge's chambers for a marriage license.

For younger adults, this has its own set of ramifications, but what about adults pass age 50? Although going solo may have seemed great in your 20s, 30s and 40s - although that's debatable since most people that entered and maintained healthy marriages at those stages of their lives are now typically healthier and wealthier than  those who are post-50 and never married. Nonetheless, is staying single the best lifestyle for you when you are in your 50s and beyond?                                                                                                                                              

From my Black male perspective (and from the men I know) it definitely is not! We (Black men) want to be romantically connected with a compatible woman at this stage of our lives because it makes life more enjoyable and rewarding. And, yes, it is about sexual intimacy, but it's also about so much more. It's also about companionship, friendship, and sharing life's journey. And, to share that journey with someone who has experienced life herself.

Although the Hollywood myth-makers would have you believe that most men in their 50s would want 20 or 30-somethings, that's not necessarily true outside the world of the Donald Trumps and other Millionaire-types that like to dangle their young trophy wives for display at the country club. And don't get me wrong, we see our 50-something wives, lady friends, or life partners as trophies too. But, we also want and need them as confidantes and best friends that bring a perspective to life that one can only get by living 50 years or more. Truth is, most mature men prefer to date and marry someone close to their age.                                                    

Besides, many black women in their fifties are keeping themselves fit and sexy as they age. Just check out fitness guru, Donna Richardson, who's hot and fabulous at 56 and or broadcast journalist Gayle King who's 58 and still turning heads. Women that are 50 and beyond today look younger and tend to be more fit than the 50-somethings of yester-year. So it's a whole new ballgame for relationships.
In closing, here are some questions to think about:
As Black men and Black women age is finding and maintaining healthy, romantic love important regardless of whether it leads to marriage?

If it is, what are we doing to make it happen?                                                                                                                                  

Tony King is an Information Technology Professional.  He resides in metro Dallas, Texas.

Wednesday, June 05, 2013

Is There A Father In The House?

When I tell  people that my  mother and father are married - to each other - and for the past 60 years - I get the following reactions: You're lucky, That's great, For real? I'm jealous. 

It appears that many adults wish they had spent their childhood with a dad in the house even as they find it nearly impossible to build the kinds of relationships that will allow their kids to experience childhood with a mother and father residing harmoniously together under one roof. 

Since June is the month when we think about fathers, I discuss the conditions in the community that I believe need to be present for fathers to best bestow their blessings. "Is A Father In the Home Like A Rotary Phone: Out-dated, Old-fashioned, Old-school?" appears in the new launch of the award-winning web site

Check it out.

Then tell me what you think.

Thursday, March 14, 2013

College + Marriage = Trouble?

One of the benefits of higher education is a stronger marriage - unless you're a black woman.

Women who go to college are less likely to divorce but this advantage doesn't accrue to African American women. That's according to a study done by Dr. Jeounghee Kim, assistant professor at Rutgers School of Social Work.

Dr. Kim's research followed couples starting from 1975 to 1979 and ending in 1995 to 1999. Her analysis took into consideration age, geographic location, motherhood status and educational levels at the time of the marriage. Educated white couples showed a decline in divorces over a nine year period. For African American couples, there was an increase in the dissolution of marriages during the eighties before declining among the 1990-1994 cohort. Marriages that resulted in long-term separation and not just legal divorce were both considered a dissolution of the marriage.

You can read more about the study at:

Black women can address this phenomenon in a couple of ways:
- Marry educated men of other races.
- Marry black men regardless of their level of education.

But what I'd like to know is what stops so many African American men from attending college - and what support, encouragement or change in mindset would make the difference?

Monday, February 04, 2013

News from Joy Jones at The Spoken Word


Are you concerned about marriage, courtship, divorce, dating and living single? Of course you are because you read and responded to "Marriage is for White People." The articles below feature information of interest regarding male-female relationships.

The Spoken Word is a non-profit organization that uses the arts and culture to address issues in the community. Visit us online at


Joy Jones, Director
The Spoken Word

What Happens When 'Mama Don't Need A Man?'

 What Happens When 'Mama Don't Need A Man?'
 by Joy Jones Deep. And frighteningly close to the truth. When I saw this cartoon, I HAD to contact the man who created it.

It's the brainchild of the owner and founder of, a digital office space for professional social marketing products and services. Here's what Saience had to say about what led to this progression of thought:

"Children are usually very protective about their Mother's feelings. The Father is leaving out the door, but why is the mystery. The children's conclusions are related to how Mom is feeling. No child that loves their Mom truly wants to become anything or symbolize anything that has caused her pain. So the suggestion here is that, the young boy doesn't want to be a Man if Men are the source of his Mother's pain. A natural conclusion that obviously transforms into an unhealthy choice over time."

Clearly, this is NOT the message we want to send our girls and boys. But when a situation is painful, what can bring relief without vilifying the man, victimizing the woman or damaging the children? Saience stated:

"I think we all want to be with someone who will bring out the best in us. We want stability as well as growth. We are like plants in that way, we don't stay in places where there is no sunlight. As long as we are creating a growing, nutrient rich environment we can have lasting relationships. But if the relationship is too demanding, too complicated, then it can become too toxic. That could be why most of our relationships fail."

Evidently, many of us are planted with too little sunlight and too much pain. Someone once told me that the word PAIN represents - Please Address the Inner Need. What is the inner need couples are missing? What need of yours do you feel gets neglected? And how can it be addressed?

                        Add your comments below.... 

A Story Gift for Valentine's Day

 A Story Gift for Valentine's Day
 by Joy Jones

Joy Jones This Valentine's Day I will be part of Ballou Senior High School's African American Read-In. The Read-In has been endorsed by the International Reading Association. Over a million readers of all ethnic groups from the United States, the District of Columbia, the West Indies, African countries, and more have participated. The goal is to make the celebration of African American literacy a traditional part of Black History Month activities.

Be a valentine and Share Your LOVE of Books with Us! Donate on behalf of The Story Gift Project in order for us to buy lots of books to giveaway to students! Contributions are tax deductible. Here's how to give:

Checks made payable to: Friends of Ballou/Community Foundation of the National Capital Region.

Mailed to: Ballou Senior High School 3401 Fourth Street SE Washington D.C. 20032 ATTENTION: Melissa Jackson, Librarian

Online donations are accepted Click "Donate Now" at the top of the page. In the drop-down menu, specify "Friends of Ballou - In honor of the library."