Sunday, October 20, 2013
Sunday, September 15, 2013
Why Love After 50 is Important to Black Men by Tony King
Black men and Black women appear to be the most unattached group in America. According to the 2010 U.S. Census, 41% of African American men have never been married while 43% of African American women have never walked down the aisle or to the judge's chambers for a marriage license.
For younger adults, this has its own set of ramifications, but what about adults pass age 50? Although going solo may have seemed great in your 20s, 30s and 40s - although that's debatable since most people that entered and maintained healthy marriages at those stages of their lives are now typically healthier and wealthier than those who are post-50 and never married. Nonetheless, is staying single the best lifestyle for you when you are in your 50s and beyond?
From my Black male perspective (and from the men I know) it definitely is not! We (Black men) want to be romantically connected with a compatible woman at this stage of our lives because it makes life more enjoyable and rewarding. And, yes, it is about sexual intimacy, but it's also about so much more. It's also about companionship, friendship, and sharing life's journey. And, to share that journey with someone who has experienced life herself.
Although the Hollywood myth-makers would have you believe that most men in their 50s would want 20 or 30-somethings, that's not necessarily true outside the world of the Donald Trumps and other Millionaire-types that like to dangle their young trophy wives for display at the country club. And don't get me wrong, we see our 50-something wives, lady friends, or life partners as trophies too. But, we also want and need them as confidantes and best friends that bring a perspective to life that one can only get by living 50 years or more. Truth is, most mature men prefer to date and marry someone close to their age.
Besides, many black women in their fifties are keeping themselves fit and sexy as they age. Just check out fitness guru, Donna Richardson, who's hot and fabulous at 56 and or broadcast journalist Gayle King who's 58 and still turning heads. Women that are 50 and beyond today look younger and tend to be more fit than the 50-somethings of yester-year. So it's a whole new ballgame for relationships.
If it is, what are we doing to make it happen?
Tony King is an Information Technology Professional. He resides in metro Dallas, Texas.
Wednesday, June 05, 2013
Is There A Father In The House?
When I tell people that my mother and father are married - to each other - and for the past 60 years - I get the following reactions: You're lucky, That's great, For real? I'm jealous.
Check it out.
Thursday, March 14, 2013
One of the benefits of higher education is a stronger marriage - unless you're a black woman.
Women who go to college are less likely to divorce but this advantage doesn't accrue to African American women. That's according to a study done by Dr. Jeounghee Kim, assistant professor at Rutgers School of Social Work.
Dr. Kim's research followed couples starting from 1975 to 1979 and ending in 1995 to 1999. Her analysis took into consideration age, geographic location, motherhood status and educational levels at the time of the marriage. Educated white couples showed a decline in divorces over a nine year period. For African American couples, there was an increase in the dissolution of marriages during the eighties before declining among the 1990-1994 cohort. Marriages that resulted in long-term separation and not just legal divorce were both considered a dissolution of the marriage.
You can read more about the study at: http://psychcentral.com/news/2013/03/10/college-fails-to-protect-african-american-women-from-divorce/52397.html.
Black women can address this phenomenon in a couple of ways:
- Marry educated men of other races.
- Marry black men regardless of their level of education.
But what I'd like to know is what stops so many African American men from attending college - and what support, encouragement or change in mindset would make the difference?
Monday, February 04, 2013
News from Joy Jones at The Spoken Word
Are you concerned about marriage, courtship, divorce, dating and living single? Of course you are because you read and responded to "Marriage is for White People." The articles below feature information of interest regarding male-female relationships.
The Spoken Word is a non-profit organization that uses the arts and culture to address issues in the community. Visit us online at www.TheSpokenWordOnline.org.
Joy Jones, Director
The Spoken Word
What Happens When 'Mama Don't Need A Man?'
What Happens When 'Mama Don't Need A Man?'
by Joy Jones
Deep. And frighteningly close to the truth. When I saw this cartoon, I HAD to contact the man who created it.
It's the brainchild of the owner and founder of SaienceMedia.com, a digital office space for professional social marketing products and services. Here's what Saience had to say about what led to this progression of thought:
"Children are usually very protective about their Mother's feelings. The Father is leaving out the door, but why is the mystery. The children's conclusions are related to how Mom is feeling. No child that loves their Mom truly wants to become anything or symbolize anything that has caused her pain. So the suggestion here is that, the young boy doesn't want to be a Man if Men are the source of his Mother's pain. A natural conclusion that obviously transforms into an unhealthy choice over time."
Clearly, this is NOT the message we want to send our girls and boys. But when a situation is painful, what can bring relief without vilifying the man, victimizing the woman or damaging the children? Saience stated:
"I think we all want to be with someone who will bring out the best in us. We want stability as well as growth. We are like plants in that way, we don't stay in places where there is no sunlight. As long as we are creating a growing, nutrient rich environment we can have lasting relationships. But if the relationship is too demanding, too complicated, then it can become too toxic. That could be why most of our relationships fail."
Evidently, many of us are planted with too little sunlight and too much pain. Someone once told me that the word PAIN represents - Please Address the Inner Need. What is the inner need couples are missing? What need of yours do you feel gets neglected? And how can it be addressed?
A Story Gift for Valentine's Day
A Story Gift for Valentine's Day
by Joy Jones
This Valentine's Day I will be part of Ballou Senior High School's African American Read-In. The Read-In has been endorsed by the International Reading Association. Over a million readers of all ethnic groups from the United States, the District of Columbia, the West Indies, African countries, and more have participated. The goal is to make the celebration of African American literacy a traditional part of Black History Month activities.
Be a valentine and Share Your LOVE of Books with Us! Donate on behalf of The Story Gift Project in order for us to buy lots of books to giveaway to students! Contributions are tax deductible. Here's how to give:
Checks made payable to: Friends of Ballou/Community Foundation of the National Capital Region.
Mailed to: Ballou Senior High School 3401 Fourth Street SE Washington D.C. 20032 ATTENTION: Melissa Jackson, Librarian
Online donations are accepted www.cfncr.org. Click "Donate Now" at the top of the page. In the drop-down menu, specify "Friends of Ballou - In honor of the library."
Thursday, May 26, 2011
Time To Clean House?
It's spring cleaning season. Time to clean out the closet, air the dirty linen, get your house in order. It also sounds like what we may need to do regarding our relationships.
A while back, Bill Cosby called us out saying that many of us needed indeed to clean up our act. He chastised and criticized the African American community for the demise of the traditional, two-parent family and the high numbers of high school drop-outs, incarcerations, and unwed births. A year later, Dr. Michael Eric Dyson responded with his book, Is Bill Cosby Right? (Or has the Black Middle Class Lost its Mind?), describing Cosby's remarks as a vicious attack on the most vulnerable in our society.
Now, author Merisa Parson Davis -a cousin of Cosby -has written a counterpoint to Dr. Dyson's counterpoint in her new title, Bill Cosby Is Right: But What Should the Church Be Doing About It?
"Dr. Cosby's words were a wake-up call to the black church," Davis says. "Today, in the age of Obama, we cannot continue to blame white people for everything. While we have an intact, Ivy-league educated African-American two-parent household currently dwelling at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue, only 28% of our black children are growing up in the same type of family with their biological mom and dad, who are married to each other. These issues need to be addressed."
The author takes a very conservative view, suggesting for example, that Hurricane Katrina happened because "New Orleans history shows a culture full of the occult, murder and rebellion against God."
A bit too harsh, simplistic, and superstitious in my opinion, but what do you say?
Sunday, April 10, 2011
Advice for Newlyweds
Know anybody getting married any time soon? What advice do you have for them? When you got married, what were the words of wisdom you received?
Was any of it worthwhile?
My personal favorite saying comes from the comedienne Phyllis Diller (who called her husband Fang) - "Never go to bed angry. Stay up and fight."
Cleo Lightfoot-Booker comments on the comments she heard as she celebrates her first year of marriage this month. You will remember Lightfoot-Booker as the lead in my March Ebony article. She was the woman who traded in her strong single sister status to become a wife. Read my latest e-zine to hear what she has to say in her own words. (Not a subscriber? - email me at firstname.lastname@example.org to be added to the mailing list - it's free!)
Then tell me what folks told you about what to expect in marriage with a message here.